Saturday, February 12, 2011

Tweak or Transformation?

 My friend's comment to last week's post has had me thinking all week about the how's of making positive changes.  We can find the right teacher or mentor, take up a spiritual practice or, my favorite, sit down with a good book that inspires us, but we still have to make the commitment to put into action new ways of thinking or being in the world. Her question, the same many of us ask, isn't "what should I do?" but "how can I do it?"
 I think often the challenge lies in the nature of inspiration itself. True inspiration excites us, calls us to action and has a sense of urgency to it. We want the payoff now; we're ready to be transformed!! We feel elated that we have found a new way of seeing things that make sense and resonates with our soul, and we somehow expect our dynamic new insight to manifest itself in magical external rewards. And then, when we still have to pay the bills, the kids are still making us crazy, we still have moments of anger, sadness, fear or loneliness, the reality of our ordinary lives settles back on us. We feel disillusioned and wonder why we can't keep our spiritual momentum and desire to make authentic changes alive.
 So, the question remains; how do we keep moving towards our best selves? How do we take the ideas that inspire us and keep our good intentions from falling away when our initial enthusiasm starts to wane?  I think we may want to focus less on "transformation" and more on "tweaking".
 To transform is to make a radical and profound change; not something we may feel completely confident we're capable of. It's easy to lose faith in our ability to alter ourselves and our way of living in such a big way. The people in our lives may not love the idea either; their fear of losing the "us" they've grown accustomed to can result in them being less than supportive. Personal transformation can be daunting enough in and of  itself; trying to do it while those around us, consciously or not, are sabotaging our efforts, makes it more difficult still. The end result is we often give up on our new convictions and settle back into a feeling of frustration and defeat.
 Tweaking, on the other hand, is quieter, less overwhelming and friendlier to those around us. Most of us feel fairly good about our chances of making small changes stick. Making a plan to spend 15 minutes checking in with ourselves in meditation is less threatening than promising ourselves we will become Buddhas over night. Committing to being conscious of where the food we eat comes from and practicing gratitude before a meal is less threatening than promising to never let meat touch your lips again and giving up sugar forever.
    It's true, some people do experience almost instant enlightenment. Some seem to reinvent themselves dramatically, quickly and for good. But most of us will have to settle for changing things that matter to us, to waking up, to getting closer to our best selves, a little at a time. 
  So, keep tweaking. Before you know it you'll look around and realize you've not only transformed yourself, but you've transformed the world as well. One tweak at a time.

12 comments:

  1. This is hitting me at a time when I'm going exactly through the challenge of trying to change something in my life very quickly. I've picked up a book on this very subject a few weeks ago and trying to do one little change at a time. It's difficult, I'm impatient and want results today for something I've started today. This reminded me that I have to be patient and work at it everyday, one little change at a time. Thanks!!

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  2. It's a diet related book: "The Beck Diet Solution". It teaches you to rebuild the way your brain thinks about food one little exercise at a time and I've been having a hard time doing that. I try to cram all of it in because I want the results today. I'm finding out it doesn't work unless I allow this to take shape very slowly, one exercise at a time, one little light bulb at a time...

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  3. I have read that book - it's a good one. It's all about small changes. I think I need to reread it myself.

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  4. Very helpful post, Jo. I love the idea of "tweaking" versus the pressure of instant transformation. It feels so much more doable in the face of our everyday struggles that you mention and provides me a more palatable option of succeeding one bite at a time rather than sensing I've bitten off more than I can chew and giving up.
    If I can make each small change a brick of success and build one small positive change atop another,it will provide a solid foundation for a lasting daily practice.
    (Sorry if I've overextended the metaphors. It was the most comfortable way for me to express the thoughts :-)
    Thanks!

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  5. I wrote an article several years ago called "Spiritual Enlightenment is Not the Name of a Weekend Intensive". Even though it is another subject than what you are talking about, your article reminded me of it.

    When we try too hard to do anything, the subconscious prompters from childhood have a way of interrupting our progress. (You'll never amount to anything... Your whole family has a weight problem... I can't keep my mind focused.) No wonder we have such a difficult time. So changing or transforming an area of your life can be a daunting task.

    A saying that gets a lot of lip service in my house is: "I really intended on getting that project done today, but Life got in the way!" Well. In reality, your project is Life, isn't it?

    I guess the transformation you are looking for can come about in it's own time. So if you get greeted by your subconscious everytime you try to change something, try this idea: The moment you become aware of the challenge, just observe it. Don't chastise yourself for it, but be conscious of your true feelings about the change. That is the powerful part of it; not the fact that you didn't accomplish it, but that you are aware on a deeper level of the energy behind your wishes.

    This will allow your change to move steadily. Just like spiritual enlightenment, transformation really doesn't come instantly, even though you see others doing it. In reality, they have been moving towards the change slowly and steadily for a long time. (You just didn't see the shifting they were going through.) So when the time came that everything moved in a large way, that appeared to be the instant transformation.

    Now, just because I am talking about it, does not mean I have accomplished the concept! But it is part of my small, slow moving shifting in progress. (At least, I hope so!)

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  6. Awesoime! Thanks Melissa!! If you have to move slowly too, I don't feel so bad!

    (Oh and I'd appreciate it it if you would all 'share" this on FB!)

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  7. I, too, am a perfectionist and want results right away. Im learning t be gentle with myself and not criticize myself for anything. Personal transformation is much like a diet or starting a healthier lifestyle ........it may seem daunting at first but once you start seeing results, it encourages you to keep going.
    Louise Hay explains it well when she compares transformation to a baby......when they are learning to walk they fall many times, but they do not give up. They keep trying until they get it! :)

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  8. Love that! And we should nurture ourselves as we transform like we would a baby too.

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  9. Two friends of mine very recently decided to undertake a 21 day dietary cleanse. My response was,"I'll watch and cheer you guys from the sidelines for now. Not ready for a 21 day commitment. Making small changes for kids and for me - low fat Smartfood instead of Fritos, raw organic almonds for snacking, more asparagus, broccoli and spinach with dinner. These have been well received thus far, and I think I need to work in small increments for now to avoid an all out rebellion. But I'll be watching, rooting and learning."

    The "tweaking" has apparently taken root on a subconscious level, and I didn't even realize the connection until it was pointed out.

    :D

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  10. one step at a time always takes you somewhere:)
    good reminder Joan thank-you even Rome wasn't built in a day

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