I was talking with a friend of mine this week and she was complaining about her husband's lack of urgency about anything. She said, "He talks about things he wants to do, but he's so Zen he never seems to feel any hurry to get there." Hmmmm.......
I am also very "Zen" and since she said this to me it has been rattling around in my head. I am often described as "laid back", "easy going" and "chill". From the outside, most people would see this as being worry-free and a bit fearless. In many ways I am, through years of studying Buddhism, meditating and reading books that further my understanding of letting go and acceptance. I stay more present than a lot of people I know. There's not much to worry about in this moment. But still, I thought about what my friend had said. Something about it was bothering me. Hmmmm........ and then, it hit me.
I knew her husband. I knew about his plans, ideas, hopes and dreams. He talked about them a lot, with enthusiasm. But somehow, when it came time to making a commitment towards making them happen, to taking a step toward them, he just never did. I also realized, it had nothing to do with being "Zen"; it was good old fashioned fear disguised as calm. What had made this resonate with me is that I realized I have also learned to not feel my fear of stepping off; I just avoid it by being "contemplative", sometimes endlessly, about things that might involve risk. I have been confusing my inaction when I'm fearful as just being willing to be happy where I am.
Wow. This feels important to me. I wonder how common it is among my fellow inner peace seekers. I'm betting more common than many of us have imagined.
For myself, I've decided to be a little more willing to feel my fear. But from now on, rather than making it my enemy, I think I'll embrace it and let it spur me towards courageous action. A little nervous energy, when you think about it, can feel an awful lot like excitement. And I don't know about you, but I never want to get so Zen I forget the shivery joy of giving an unsure thing a try. Here's to feeling the fear and doing it anyway!
Is that really what "Zen" means? I kinda thought it was "in touch with the universe," which I'm thinking is not quite the same thing...
ReplyDelete...but everyone seems to use it that way.
There is a term we used in the ambulance company called "eustress". It is the antithesis of distress. Distress is when stress or fear causes you to perform poorly, tentatively, or even freeze. In contrast, eustress by contrast is motivational; it brings out the best in you and puts you into a very unusually calm mode during even the most intense of situations. It is often seen in firefighters who must make quick decisions in incredibly dangerous situations. On a more everyday scale, this type of stress allows your fear to work FOR you rather than against. I'm not knowledgable in Zen, but to me this kind of inner peace is a shining example of Zen as it relates to fear.
ReplyDeleteThere truly is something to said about "fear-excitment". To me it is the thing that makes ultra-successful people. I remember Oprah Winfrey interviewing a multi-millionaire several years ago. He said he became expert at being a failure. He had stepped into scarey ventures so many times that were successful and then finally failed. Until one day, he stepped forward into the one thing that really worked long term. That is when his money was constant and success was his.
ReplyDeleteThe difference between regular folk and this type of person is: fear. He didn't let it stop what he wanted. Sometimes it didn't work, but that still did not stop him. The fear really had a way of spurring him ahead even stronger the next time.
I also think these successful types don't even register the fear as being something to guard themselves against, or stay away from, but the excitment is so strong behind it, they blindly walk into the thing that could be a danger. I play with that in a very small way when moving forward in my career. Being a very passive and shy person, it's very agressive of me to even step forward to approach people sell my talents. Sometimes I come off as the fool... but sometimes it actually works!
I agree Joan, feel the fear! Do it anyway!
This is the note I found in my inbox today - it was sent on the day I wrote this. Sometimes, you have to laugh!
ReplyDelete"The trick with courage, Joan, is realizing that it isn't so much about overcoming fear, as it is about not settling for less. And then, it comes as effortlessly as a midsummer's night breeze.
Whhhhhhhhhhhhhh-a-a-a-a-a-a, who-o-o-osh -
The Universe"
Fear has to be confronted. But to what degree of "force"? All depends on the fear, I guess. If we're letting it stop us from doing something we really want, gotta give the full-court-press... sometimes that's easier said than done.
ReplyDeleteI have often felt that like love and hate, fear and faith have a very thin line that separates them. It is a matter of perspective because when you think about it, they both stem from belief in the unknown. That said, it is a matter of turning your fear to a different angle and seeing it through the eyes of faith.
ReplyDeleteI am not JC either. I am Taffy. My ex has changed all the settings on the old laptop and I have lost my identity in cyberspace.....I must change this. I must have faith. :)
ReplyDeleteHa Ha Taffy! You are awesome!
ReplyDelete